"And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great." Job 8:7

If you are an old friend .. you know my story all the triumphs and pitfalls every detail likely because I'm not one to hold much back. However, if you are a new friend to my family you probably don’t really know much about how I came to be the wife, mother and person I am today. Throughout the next few months I was to go into detail about some of the things that have happened in my life. I feel that these experiences I have already walked through can help someone now. I have been wanting to share my testimony for a few years but I didn’t ever really feel like I had the platform to do so. Therefore, I am going to use this blog as a place to share some of the twists and turns that brought me to the Lord.

Before I delve into all the hairy details of my life I feel it is only right for me to update you on my family situation seeing as how since the last time I made a post SO MUCH has changed!

At some point (not sure of the exact date) I became a single mom – the father of my two children at the time got another woman pregnant and we went our separate ways. It was very messy – very painful – and it felt like I was in some type of horror movie that was never going to end. I can’t and don’t want to really say much more than that, but that’s the short version. In reality it took us about 2 years to get the clerical portion of our divorce finalized from the time the kids and I fled to live with my parents to signing on the dotted line.

You will notice throughout this that I have no clue of actual dates when things happened. So fast forward some amount of time and several boyfriends and bad choices later. I decided to go to nursing school. Nursing school was challenging to say the least. I was raising two kids, and working two jobs while living with my parents and going to school full time. If you know a nurse… ask them about school, it is NO JOKE!

Sometime before I was half way through with nursing school I reconnected with a friend that I had met in middle school. It’s really odd how it all happened actually, maybe I’ll have him guest post to explain the whole dynamic change. ANYWAYS that man quickly stole my heart and we soon began a courtship long-distance because he was away at college in Abilene which meant that I was driving back and fourth every other weekend.

This wonderful strapping lad later became my husband. I can’t even begin to describe my love for this man in this post-that’s for another time.
With this man I became the mother to another beautiful child. V was born in October 2015 about 1 year after C and I were married.

Together C and I have now walked through life together for 14 years as friends and 4 years as a couple. We have taken our big kids to their first days of kindergarten, had a baby, traveled outside the country, lost jobs, lost loved ones and gained a beautiful baby boy.

My life is so very different since the last time I posted on this blog. And honestly, it’s all for the better! I never would have thought that betrayal of my first husband and a divorce could end up having a good effect on my life but somehow it has.

Getting lost in prayer

I have been praying for patience this week...if you know me you know that is not something that's easy for me.

I have been praying continually about a specific situation and for some things to be made clear, and hoping the other person in the situation is as well.

The more I pray and meditate and think about it the more sure I am that this is what God is telling me..yeah I could be wrong but I hope and pray I'm not.

It has been hard for me to have self control and not take action to push or get things moving

God has been doing a really good job with teaching me through everything that is going on. Even though its hard for me I know I am learning and that God will take care of the situation in his own way and in his own time.

I think back to Christmas time and wish I had done some things differently when this all started. I should have maybe been more honest with certain people about some stuff but all I can do now is be faithful to God and pray it works out.

I think a lot if times I get really prideful and think

"Come on God you owe me this happiness....after everything I have been through I deserve this"

But that is SO sinful, God doesn't owe me -or any of us anything....he has already given us everything.

I was trying to control the situation and make things right but I seem now that that is not the way to handle it.

GOD is in control not me - not this other person but GOD

sorry readers that this is all so vague but I just needed to share part of my recent struggle and ask for prayer.

Jer 29:11
Isaiah 41:10
Mark 11:24
Have a great day
Lmay

(And for you- I'm praying for you, I know you know that but I felt like I should put it here in black and white for you to see. I miss you and pray every day that this can be resolved so we can both be at peace and go from there)

What I learned while cleaning up vomit

At some point I'm sure every nurse has this feeling..

You start to see yourself in your patients...some more than others. And at that very moment it happens you know- you know that everything you do means something. Fetching a blanket, assisting at meal times, even just a smile as you pass by in the hall way. In fact it may just be the little things that have the most impact.

Every patient be comes you and at that point a lasting bond is formed: they take a part of you and you take parts of them...forever. As you see yourself in the patient you glimpse into your future and become overwhelmed with compassion and sadness at the same time.

When you loose one for the first time it feels like the world is closing in...your heart feels like it's sinking quickly with no way to catch it. Your own mortality begins to stare you down and make your insides squirm. As time goes by it only intensifies while you think about the life they must have lived... Their family crosses your mind and you hurt for them because of what they are about to endure.

There is one patient in particular that I have gotten attached to...I see myself in her every day. And the selfishness in me thinks "I hope I don't end up this way" but the reality is...I will-everyone will. The end of life is inevitable. All any of us can do is use the time we have now...be as productive as possible and hope we make some type of difference.

The bond between me and this patient will ALWAYS stay with me. It makes me better at my job. It helps me spiritually and emotionless...her wisdom even in such a foggy state is amazing
She gives great advice when she is alert.

"Work hard, love harder"
"It doesn't matter what you do as long as you are honest, love what you do and do it well"

The more i am with my patients the more I really feel like I am doing what god intended. I'm in the right place for me...but not just for me for my patients I feel every day that my assigned patients are mine for a reason. Each one has something I can grasp on to an take with me for the rest of my life. I have learned more from them than I ever thought I would.

These people... The ones seasoned in life are people worth spending time with. Even if you are t in healthcare. Their minds are extraordinary; even the ones who spend most of their time confused. They, like everyone else in this world have a need for love. You can give that to them by just being there for them...to talk, read, or even just sit.

I want to challenge you to pray about serving someone outside of your close nit group of family and friends...it doesn't have to be in geriatrics, let god lead you to who, when and where.
Don't let the enemy get in your head and make up excuses or tell you you can't do it or you wouldn't be good at it...if it is from god it will be amazing!!!l

Matthew 5:14-16

Batman is awsome but God is a real super hero

Sometimes your love for someone can cloud everything...I have recently learned that love can easily turn into selfishness and boarderline deciet.

He is not the guilyt one... we both are, we were both dishonest (to ourselves and to eachother). But we brushed off those bad feelings and clung to one another because it felt nice-to have someone there to care for us-to warm our hearts and make us feel shiny and new...

But regardless of what we thought or felt God had other plans and it took one of us being strong enough to listen to break away from that human entrapment we were cought in.

I respect him.. i love him.. and as much as it hurts i know in my heart he is right... there is... there has to be, something better in store for our futures... some good that we must find on our own.

I struggle with feeling lost and lonely ... i have spent alot of time this week praying blindly into the heavens searcdhing for some type of answer as to why it seems like God has stripped me of all hope in love, safety, and humanity in general. I have been having a very hard time hearing answers ... my prayer has been pretty specific...

Holy Spirit, penetrate my soul
helpme to see direction in my life
Lord strip me of my physical and emotional desires
and show me the path you have set out for me
help my judgement to not be clouded by the things of this world
and the distractions of the enemy
-Amen

I have also been spending alot of time in meditation with my handy dandy iphone playing worship music.

I have been more faithful in prayer and worship than in scripture reading... Now don't get me wrong here I AM reading and i am being spiritually fed but the times of prayer and worship have been giving me a sence of peace i havent felt in a very long time... if ever.

So all i ask of you at this time, loyal readers.. is that you join me in prayer. And if you are at all struggling with the same things know that you are not alone in this fight. know that we are mearly human and we succomb to human problems.
i will be praying continually for you this week.

together with god all things are possible

until next time
LMAY
(as always please excuse any typos or misspellings)

San Antone

Our family WENT ON A TRIP!!

This my friends is a rare thing for us with one income and two young children.

I was somehting that was HIGHLY anticipated and planned for, for many many months we saved and patiently waited for the time to come.

As most vacations go I was of course excited to get away from home and to spend time with my family. But at the same time i knew it was going to be alot of work.

This was the first trip since our honeymoon that my husband and i have gone on without either his or my parents. It was also the first trip we had taken with kids alone.
(yes yes we have been married for 3 1/2 years and i know its sad)

But none the less i had strategic plans for packing driving and for when we got there.

And isnt it just my luck NOTHING went as planned.

The night before we left i ended up having a fever of 104 and feeling super yucky.

but we went along with the trip anyways with me assuming i would feel better in a few hours.
which was correct but i had no idea what was about to hit us...

my husband got sick on the road along with my son.

so basically the whole first part of the trip was miserable ( like the first 3days)

but after everyone got better our trip turned around and we ended up having a blast and getting to spend some time with my family in san antonio and houston.

sweet little swimmies

typically summer time is filled with lots of fun in our family.

trips up north plans for fall vacations to disney world. birthdays barbques swimming and hanging out at the beach.

this year my kids were able to take survial swim lessons with a close friend of the family.

going into it i thought i knew what to expect because my son had taken the same lessons last year while i was pregnant with my daughter.

But this year it was different, I not only had two kids in swim lessons that ment two tuition fees and basically twice the time to spend getting to and from the pool and not to mention time in the water.

the type of lessons they are taking are intense its not all "blow bubbles and kick" its more the type of lesson where they are learning to save thier own life if they were to fall into a pool alone.

here is my son swimming to the edge of the pool solo.

first the instructor teaches the kids to float on thier back and breath. the second part of the lessons is teaching the kids to roll over and swim then back over when they get tired so that they dont get overly exhausted.

my oldest did really well with the whole program where as my daughter who is younger only mastered the floating part for the time being.

in hind sight i am really happy we stuck with it for the long 7 weeks that we did. as much hastle and effort it took for me alone to get them to and from and change them (and dont even mention when the poop in the pool and how badly i felt) it was all really really worth it because i have confidence that if my children were ever in an emergent situation that they would be able to float and scream thier brains out until someone saved them.

for more information on this type of swim lessons or to find an instructor in you area you can visit http://www.infantaquatics.com/

Heavenly chocolate finally in Texas

My husband has family all over the united states... Well all over the world for that matter!

One of the benefits of this for us is we always get really cool gift packages at random times through out the year.

But one of my very favorites is when his uncle sends us chocolate from California.
I assume that it is peretty pricey because we only get it once a year and that's at Christmas time.
They are from a place called see's.

I googled my brains out the first time we received them to try and find one close to home (I was pregnant and I had eaten them all and craved more)
Anyways there wasn't one.

But the last time j and went to the mall there. In all it's glory. A see's!

It was like fate had brought me to that very spot!

The smell was like. Idk willy wonks chocolate factory or something....wafting out of there like a tasty song calling my name :)

and the very best part? FREE SAMPLES yummm!!!