I have been praying for patience this week...if you know me you know that is not something that's easy for me.
I have been praying continually about a specific situation and for some things to be made clear, and hoping the other person in the situation is as well.
The more I pray and meditate and think about it the more sure I am that this is what God is telling me..yeah I could be wrong but I hope and pray I'm not.
It has been hard for me to have self control and not take action to push or get things moving
God has been doing a really good job with teaching me through everything that is going on. Even though its hard for me I know I am learning and that God will take care of the situation in his own way and in his own time.
I think back to Christmas time and wish I had done some things differently when this all started. I should have maybe been more honest with certain people about some stuff but all I can do now is be faithful to God and pray it works out.
I think a lot if times I get really prideful and think
"Come on God you owe me this happiness....after everything I have been through I deserve this"
But that is SO sinful, God doesn't owe me -or any of us anything....he has already given us everything.
I was trying to control the situation and make things right but I seem now that that is not the way to handle it.
GOD is in control not me - not this other person but GOD
sorry readers that this is all so vague but I just needed to share part of my recent struggle and ask for prayer.
Jer 29:11
Isaiah 41:10
Mark 11:24
Have a great day
Lmay
(And for you- I'm praying for you, I know you know that but I felt like I should put it here in black and white for you to see. I miss you and pray every day that this can be resolved so we can both be at peace and go from there)
Monday, April 1, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
What I learned while cleaning up vomit
At some point I'm sure every nurse has this feeling..
You start to see yourself in your patients...some more than others. And at that very moment it happens you know- you know that everything you do means something. Fetching a blanket, assisting at meal times, even just a smile as you pass by in the hall way. In fact it may just be the little things that have the most impact.
Every patient be comes you and at that point a lasting bond is formed: they take a part of you and you take parts of them...forever. As you see yourself in the patient you glimpse into your future and become overwhelmed with compassion and sadness at the same time.
When you loose one for the first time it feels like the world is closing in...your heart feels like it's sinking quickly with no way to catch it. Your own mortality begins to stare you down and make your insides squirm. As time goes by it only intensifies while you think about the life they must have lived... Their family crosses your mind and you hurt for them because of what they are about to endure.
There is one patient in particular that I have gotten attached to...I see myself in her every day. And the selfishness in me thinks "I hope I don't end up this way" but the reality is...I will-everyone will. The end of life is inevitable. All any of us can do is use the time we have now...be as productive as possible and hope we make some type of difference.
The bond between me and this patient will ALWAYS stay with me. It makes me better at my job. It helps me spiritually and emotionless...her wisdom even in such a foggy state is amazing
She gives great advice when she is alert.
"Work hard, love harder"
"It doesn't matter what you do as long as you are honest, love what you do and do it well"
The more i am with my patients the more I really feel like I am doing what god intended. I'm in the right place for me...but not just for me for my patients I feel every day that my assigned patients are mine for a reason. Each one has something I can grasp on to an take with me for the rest of my life. I have learned more from them than I ever thought I would.
These people... The ones seasoned in life are people worth spending time with. Even if you are t in healthcare. Their minds are extraordinary; even the ones who spend most of their time confused. They, like everyone else in this world have a need for love. You can give that to them by just being there for them...to talk, read, or even just sit.
I want to challenge you to pray about serving someone outside of your close nit group of family and friends...it doesn't have to be in geriatrics, let god lead you to who, when and where.
Don't let the enemy get in your head and make up excuses or tell you you can't do it or you wouldn't be good at it...if it is from god it will be amazing!!!l
Matthew 5:14-16
You start to see yourself in your patients...some more than others. And at that very moment it happens you know- you know that everything you do means something. Fetching a blanket, assisting at meal times, even just a smile as you pass by in the hall way. In fact it may just be the little things that have the most impact.
Every patient be comes you and at that point a lasting bond is formed: they take a part of you and you take parts of them...forever. As you see yourself in the patient you glimpse into your future and become overwhelmed with compassion and sadness at the same time.
When you loose one for the first time it feels like the world is closing in...your heart feels like it's sinking quickly with no way to catch it. Your own mortality begins to stare you down and make your insides squirm. As time goes by it only intensifies while you think about the life they must have lived... Their family crosses your mind and you hurt for them because of what they are about to endure.
There is one patient in particular that I have gotten attached to...I see myself in her every day. And the selfishness in me thinks "I hope I don't end up this way" but the reality is...I will-everyone will. The end of life is inevitable. All any of us can do is use the time we have now...be as productive as possible and hope we make some type of difference.
The bond between me and this patient will ALWAYS stay with me. It makes me better at my job. It helps me spiritually and emotionless...her wisdom even in such a foggy state is amazing
She gives great advice when she is alert.
"Work hard, love harder"
"It doesn't matter what you do as long as you are honest, love what you do and do it well"
The more i am with my patients the more I really feel like I am doing what god intended. I'm in the right place for me...but not just for me for my patients I feel every day that my assigned patients are mine for a reason. Each one has something I can grasp on to an take with me for the rest of my life. I have learned more from them than I ever thought I would.
These people... The ones seasoned in life are people worth spending time with. Even if you are t in healthcare. Their minds are extraordinary; even the ones who spend most of their time confused. They, like everyone else in this world have a need for love. You can give that to them by just being there for them...to talk, read, or even just sit.
I want to challenge you to pray about serving someone outside of your close nit group of family and friends...it doesn't have to be in geriatrics, let god lead you to who, when and where.
Don't let the enemy get in your head and make up excuses or tell you you can't do it or you wouldn't be good at it...if it is from god it will be amazing!!!l
Matthew 5:14-16
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Batman is awsome but God is a real super hero
Sometimes your love for someone can cloud everything...I have recently learned that love can easily turn into selfishness and boarderline deciet.
He is not the guilyt one... we both are, we were both dishonest (to ourselves and to eachother). But we brushed off those bad feelings and clung to one another because it felt nice-to have someone there to care for us-to warm our hearts and make us feel shiny and new...
But regardless of what we thought or felt God had other plans and it took one of us being strong enough to listen to break away from that human entrapment we were cought in.
I respect him.. i love him.. and as much as it hurts i know in my heart he is right... there is... there has to be, something better in store for our futures... some good that we must find on our own.
I struggle with feeling lost and lonely ... i have spent alot of time this week praying blindly into the heavens searcdhing for some type of answer as to why it seems like God has stripped me of all hope in love, safety, and humanity in general. I have been having a very hard time hearing answers ... my prayer has been pretty specific...
Holy Spirit, penetrate my soul
helpme to see direction in my life
Lord strip me of my physical and emotional desires
and show me the path you have set out for me
help my judgement to not be clouded by the things of this world
and the distractions of the enemy
-Amen
I have also been spending alot of time in meditation with my handy dandy iphone playing worship music.
I have been more faithful in prayer and worship than in scripture reading... Now don't get me wrong here I AM reading and i am being spiritually fed but the times of prayer and worship have been giving me a sence of peace i havent felt in a very long time... if ever.
So all i ask of you at this time, loyal readers.. is that you join me in prayer. And if you are at all struggling with the same things know that you are not alone in this fight. know that we are mearly human and we succomb to human problems.
i will be praying continually for you this week.
together with god all things are possible
until next time
LMAY
(as always please excuse any typos or misspellings)
He is not the guilyt one... we both are, we were both dishonest (to ourselves and to eachother). But we brushed off those bad feelings and clung to one another because it felt nice-to have someone there to care for us-to warm our hearts and make us feel shiny and new...
But regardless of what we thought or felt God had other plans and it took one of us being strong enough to listen to break away from that human entrapment we were cought in.
I respect him.. i love him.. and as much as it hurts i know in my heart he is right... there is... there has to be, something better in store for our futures... some good that we must find on our own.
I struggle with feeling lost and lonely ... i have spent alot of time this week praying blindly into the heavens searcdhing for some type of answer as to why it seems like God has stripped me of all hope in love, safety, and humanity in general. I have been having a very hard time hearing answers ... my prayer has been pretty specific...
Holy Spirit, penetrate my soul
helpme to see direction in my life
Lord strip me of my physical and emotional desires
and show me the path you have set out for me
help my judgement to not be clouded by the things of this world
and the distractions of the enemy
-Amen
I have also been spending alot of time in meditation with my handy dandy iphone playing worship music.
I have been more faithful in prayer and worship than in scripture reading... Now don't get me wrong here I AM reading and i am being spiritually fed but the times of prayer and worship have been giving me a sence of peace i havent felt in a very long time... if ever.
So all i ask of you at this time, loyal readers.. is that you join me in prayer. And if you are at all struggling with the same things know that you are not alone in this fight. know that we are mearly human and we succomb to human problems.
i will be praying continually for you this week.
together with god all things are possible
until next time
LMAY
(as always please excuse any typos or misspellings)
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